“Even when the tears are flowin’ like diamonds on my face
I’ll still keep the party goin’, not one hair out of place– Dua Lipa / Barbie
Totally unplanned and a little late to the party, I’m in Barbie-land, which fits the theme of Perfectionism as one of the four deadly sins.
Barbie’s perfection and journey of self-discovery, with the rude awakening of the ‘real world’ makes her real.
A post-modern female Pinocchio story of becoming real and imperfect ends (spoiler alert) with Barbie ‘meeting’ her vagina – the canal from which we all come into being – in all of our imperfect perfection.
Not enoughness of Perfectionism
As I was thinking about Perfectionism, what came to mind was the ‘not enoughness’ of this deadly sin.
This led me to “I’m Kenough” and, ultimately, Barbie and Dua Lipa’s song: Dance the Night.
Reading the lyrics made me think of the fairy tale “Red Shoes” from Hans Christian Andersen.
Yes, that’s how my mind works: one thing leads to another, with me following behind, trying to see the connections. But I trust my Muses and follow their images. I hope you’re still here with me.
Are you ready to dance with me on this one?
Red Shoes is a morbid story of a young peasant girl who gets taken over by nonstop dancing when her red shoes take control. She can’t control herself even when she wants to stop; her feet bleed, and she’s exhausted.
She begs for mercy, and even after her feet are amputated (ah! the gore of fairy tales!) with the red shoes still on, they continue dancing, barring her from entering the church. Only death will release her from the driven madness of the red shoes. (Gotta ‘love’ Hans Christian’s christian piety turn to his stories.)
The driven madness of Perfectionism.
Of course, I’m looking at its dark shadow, as if one can’t stop themselves from performing the ‘dance of perfectionism’—even when one is bleeding, exhausted, and spent and yet continues on a mad twerk. Or, as Dua Lipa sings: not one hair out of place – dancing the night away.
The antithesis to Perfectionism is enoughness.
Enoughness calls for discernment of what is truly desired, the available capacity, and the necessary resources. It also requires clarity on intention and purpose. (That’s why perfectionism is a detour and a fetid distraction on our journey toward purpose.)
The challenge for us to feel enough is linked to a lack of self-love and self-compassion.
Perfectionism is another way to please others, but it comes from the angle of anxiety and control over a situation and its outcomes. In this case, the antithesis is acceptance of what is, which is much more relational than trying to direct the whole enterprise.
Enoughness is also about accepting what is here and now.
It doesn’t live in the ‘what if’ or ‘when I get there’ scenarios.
There are other angles to explore with Perfectionism, but for now, it’s enough. I’m trying to exercise enoughness here.
Now on to you.
How does Perfectionism show up in your life?
How do you counter it? I’d love to hear from you, drop me a line and let me know.
Photo Credits:
Main image: Chau Le – via Unsplash
