Since the Lunar Nodes arrived in Aries and Libra, I’ve noticed an uptick in relationship issues—a collective renegotiation in the balance of power. But now, as we ride the dragon in this eclipse season, on the heels of a Full Moon Eclipse in Libra and this week’s Solar Eclipse in Aries, one theme is jumping out in my coaching sessions: people-pleasing.
If people-pleasing were sex, it would please no one. It’s like faking orgasms – it pleases no one.
Not really. You may think that the sacrifice you’re making for the sake of another is pleasing to them, but it’s actually really empty. Done for too long makes any relationship dry and brittle, and growth or connection has no room to land. Would you like a life filled with fake orgasms?
Plus, it’s the antithesis of what a genuine Venusian relationship is about.
Regarding relationships, a realm ruled by Venus and emphasized in Libra, where the Lunar South Node is traversing, one must establish oneself as an individual. Otherwise, Venus can’t operate properly in one’s life. You have to express yourself and be what you are before you can love or be truly loved. If love is an attraction that comes about through authentic self-expression, there must first be an individuality to express. Any relationship that causes people to become more fully realized is truly Venusian. Anything else is a cheap copy.
So why is people-pleasing so prevalent?
And why do we all do it to one extent or another?
On one level, it’s about what we had to do to survive in the family environment in which we were born. What did you have to do to receive the care, love, and attention you needed? What were the unspoken conditional messages received? When love is experienced as a scarcity, it’s not uncommon to tie it to a condition for giving/receiving: if you do this, I’ll give you that.
Being an ambassador of your own country.
The other part I see a lot is the need for more education in ambassadorship. I believe we are all ambassadors of our own country that is us. Many know very little about their inner geography and lack self-awareness or knowledge, both of which are a lifetime exploration and learning. This inner geography is our ‘inner country,’ and we are its ambassador. Ambassador is an interesting archetype, often aligned with the archetype of the Diplomat. These figures have to know their own country very well before they go to another country to represent the interests of their own land. They must adapt to understanding their culture and bridge it with another. It’s a very Libra archetype: build bridges through relationships.
Another quality an ambassador needs is communicating and educating others about how things work in their culture.
They have to be culturally bilingual and able to teach. In any relationship, whatever it may be, we need to come to terms with the fact that we must be able to teach the other. We need methodology and pedagogy.
And it’s here that things get lost in translation. In a culture that values appearances, it’s easy to assume that honesty is uncouth and blunt. It may be so, but that’s for those who aren’t adept at being ambassadors, which, let’s face it, is the majority of us because none of this is taught to us.
People pleasing is about power imbalance, coping mechanisms, and survival mode, which can be traced back to an array of issues: socio-economic, ideological, historical, etc. But for us in the trenches of relationships, the place to start is by embracing the inner ambassador in you.
What about your inner country is necessary for you to communicate?
How can you expose and teach others about your inner world?
And here’s the clincher: ambassadors work with boundaries. Because the very idea of a country already says: there’s a boundary between my country and yours. We are not enmeshed. We’re not the same.
The boundary line, however faint, deserves to be respected. Boundaries are preliminary in the realm of Aries, which, as the first sign of the zodiac, breaks free from the oceanic soup of Pisces and needs to separate itself from the others. Ruled by Mars, it draws the line on the sand—me on one side, you on the other. Mars separates, whereas Venus unites.
So, with clients who struggle a lot with people-pleasing, I lean into working with boundaries and a sense of self-ownership, teaching them that they’re ambassadors of their own countries.
Now, on to you.
Do you struggle with people-pleasing?
If you have, what helped you change this mode of behavior?
I’d love to hear from you, drop me a line and let me know.
Photo Credits:
Main image: Josh Hild – via Unsplash
