This week, someone asked if I had watched the Super Bowl game. I responded that I did for the commercials and tongue-in-cheek for a Taylor Swift sighting. That got me thinking about how, amid meta-crisis and the low-hum drum of doom and gloom about the world, many have been gripped by the love affair of a pop star and a neo-gladiator – a.k.a. a football player.
I’m neither a fan nor a hater of Taylor Swift, but I admire her ability to wield the tools of success better than most celebrities. But even if I don’t own any of her albums, I find myself curious about the hubba-hubba around her relationship. This led me back to my thesis for my MA in Counseling Psychology titled “The Healing Power of Fluff – The Heroine’s Transformation in Romantic Comedies.” It was a soulful self-exploration working with cinema therapy and fairy tales on the search for the Romantic Other. This topic fits well with the upcoming Mars-Venus conjunction with Pluto joining for a potent ménage à trois.
Healing my Venus with Fluff while writing my thesis
What I see in our collective’s fascination over the romance of two celebrities is a more profound desire for union, be it within themselves or in our wider world. The more our headlines shout about how divided we are, something within calls for a union. When I dove into my thesis topic, spurred by a dream that led me to change my topic very late in the process, I learned how what may seem like fluff or guilty pleasures are rich portals for creativity, self-discovery, and reconnection with our vitality within.
Here’s the thing: looking at history, you see how fear has been foundational in our development as a culture. Misused, applied, maneuvered, disguised, and propagated, fear hounds our psyche like Erinyes – the Furies – of Greek Myth.
So how might we rest? Recharge? Have a space to reimagine and birth anew?
This leads to another philosophical question that is constantly on my mind: why what is violent, fearful, and evil so loud and megalomaniacal? While what is good, kind, loving, and soft-spoken seem small in comparative size? Evil is bold and rash, and good is grassroots, first needing to take root in individual hearts and spreading from hug to hug, not through loudspeakers that jar our senses and shatter our nervous systems. I know I’m being simplistic here, but I invite you to take a closer look at the things that are good and soothing to you. Love builds on a foundation of small acts and gentle moments that can lead to bigger waves of transformation, but we first notice it in its daily consistency.
We see how our culture operates like a megalomaniac, wanting things to always be bigger, newer, better, and epic. It disqualifies what it considers soft skills, fluff, and pleasure (guilty or otherwise, unless it’s getting good ratings, in which case it will bump up the volume to 11 and give us collective mental diabetes.) We are taught that if we want success, it has to be now – ever bigger and better. We can’t get enough of what we don’t really want.
Fluff & Venus
The word fluff already sounds like a disqualifier, something not worth attention. Its etymology harks back to the 14th century, relating it to ‘velvet’ or a ‘shaggy cloth or hair.’ By the 1700s, it was linked to ‘light, feathery stuff,’ and ‘wooly substance, down, or nap.’ I like the idea of fluff being linked to a nap, as I’m all for the nap being a revolutionary act against the constant drive for productivity. As you know, Venus is astrologically linked to our special plumage – a.k.a. our unique feather – so I’ll add fluff under her tutelage.
“Our Venus shows our own particular human equivalent of birdsong or plumage. …
Venus describes those attributes that others find attractive or admirable about us, usually without any special effort on our part. …we need to ask what have we got that others want, admire or desire?” – Sue Tompkins
It takes time for us to develop and express our birdsong or reveal our unique feather/plumage. And if our attempts were undermined in our childhood, the path towards building a relationship with our Venus and understanding how to please and honor it in our lives will require healing and course correction. It’s safe to say that each of us has been thwarted from having a good relationship with our Venus, so we have to begin by getting familiar with what attracts us and what makes us attractive in our own eyes. On this quest for reconnection and relationship to our Venus, the principle that also shows what makes life worth living. Relating to Venus is a vital aspect of what the goddess gifts us, and we start by looking at what type of fluff beckons us.
As an example, my love of fairy tales and romantic comedies (my fluff guilty pleasures) led me to a deeper exploration of love and my search for the Romantic Other. I not only wrote the thesis, but I lived it. I put it into practice, and it led me to find my life partner. It also led me to a new career as I embraced and found the courage to come out of the closet as an astrologer who loves to weave myth, fairy tales, and psychology into my mix – my special plumage.
On Venus – Her Many Attributes
If you’ve watched my Mars Archetype video, you saw these cosmic lovers’ connection is more than a tale of passion, as they inform our very culture. So, in a way, the union of the celebrity couple du jour is an example of how these cosmic lovers play out in our zeitgeist. These folks aren’t just living their lives; they’re also serving as expressive channels for something that needs to be made conscious in each of us within the tableau of our culture.
One of the many attributes of Venus is that without her, there’s no culture, no life, and not even democracy without her greatest gift: beauty. When she isn’t present in our lives or even in our political structures, Mars rans rampant, unbidden, in full acting out mode. It’s Venus that guides Mars, not the other way around. While Mars takes action, Venus attracts and elicits a response. Mars goes after what Venus values and desires. Don’t put the cart in front of the horses. If you want something, you have to first start by honoring your affinities, that which you’re drawn to, even if it’s ‘fluff.’
Venus brings things into a relationship while also announcing change and transformation. When she’s around, we experience a certain awakening. Think about how beauty affects you. She opens new doors, creates openings, and even challenges our Ego toward new experiences. That’s why she’s an alchemical goddess, with love being her greatest ingredient. As such, she also threatens the status quo through the eruption of the new. No wonder the powers that be both try to diminish her powers (i.e., taking away beauty, making things ugly, Venus’ greatest kryptonite, for the sake of saving/hoarding money, which ironically is also another of her attributes) while also trying to coerce her by setting up gatekeepers who dictate what is beautiful, valuable or worthy.
We lose our connection to Venus through ugliness and haste in our environments, in our relationships with ourselves, and also in the ideas/thoughts that roost in our minds. The lack of Venus in our lives leads to frigidity in ALL of our relationships. Everything becomes brittle and an easy target for Mars’ ability to divide, as that is one of its attributes. Dividing and separating are necessary for equilibrium in our lives, but too much of it makes us feel detached and lost from life’s vitality.
Venus and Relationships in this Aquarian Age
The ménage à trois of Mars, Venus, and Pluto in Aquarius sets the tone of our transformation and understanding of the role of relationships (individual and collective) in the coming years. The last time Venus and Mars embraced was at 0º degrees of Aquarius on March 5, 2022, and now they join again in Aquarius, but at 6º degrees, highlighting the aquarian tone of these times. The next time they’ll tango will be on January 7, 2026, at 18º degrees of Capricorn. It’s an interesting toggle in these last few years between Capricorn (inner sovereignty) and Aquarius (my place in the collective), from which we have to learn that these are two sides of the same coin inside all of us.
Unless you have established yourself as an individual (inner authority and sense of self), Venus cannot operate properly in your life. Venus invites you to express yourself and be what you really are before you can love and be truly loved. Here lies the rub of vulnerability and the alchemical transformation that love affords us. If love is an attraction that comes about through true self-expression, there must be an INDIVIDUALITY TO EXPRESS IT. Here’s the principle of the complementary nature of Leo-Aquarius – first, there needs to be the self-expressing Self (Leo) within the group (Aquarius). A true Venusian relationship is based on the ability of both people to become more fully realized. Any other kind of relationship, however you slice it, isn’t truly Venusian.
When one is disconnected from one’s own Venus, there’s an experience of loss of self-worth at a very basic level. It’s a loss of joy, pleasure, and self-confidence. And remember, the OTHER SIDE OF CONFIDENCE IS VULNERABILITY. Venus isn’t only concerned with relationships per se; its focus is on SELF-DEFINITION THROUGH relationships. I learn about myself by being in a relationship with you. There’s a play dynamic happening here. That’s why Venus is often portrayed holding a mirror: I see myself through the Other.
Ways of honoring Venus in a divided world
“Aphrodite asks us to do when we commemorate her is not to seek the desire that destroys, but that unites, that pulls communities together, not apart. She is both the wound and the bandage.” – Bettany Hughes
I love this quote from one of my favorite historians because it shows both the light and shadow of Venus in our lives. What we don’t acknowledge and honor serves to divide us. So here are some ideas to get you started in connecting more deeply with Venus in your life:
- Venus asks us if we feel worthwhile enough to give ourselves pleasure/enjoyment even at the most ordinary of levels. How are you honoring your own need for pleasure and enjoyment? Do you cut yourself short? Do you overindulge? Remember that Venus can also be overindulgent and indolent. Notice when laziness is more of an excuse rather than a real connection with your inner Venus.
- Remember: the feminine ‘arts’ are not designed to placate patriarchy but to please Venus herself. Thus, we ornament ourselves with what we find beautiful. How do you honor your own beauty?
- Venus is a bringer of JOY. What brings you joy? How do you honor the small joys in your daily life? Practice ‘joy spotting’ by looking and seeing what sparks your joy in the environment around you. Also, do physical activities that are pleasurable and spark your joy.
- Remember that when not honored, Venus may turn us towards depression, gossip, and ways of unloving ourselves and others. Being taken by these, one can snap like a cooper (Venus’ metal) when under a lot of pressure. Look for beauty and joy as a nourishing Venusian diet for your psyche.
- Take stock of what you value: material, emotional, and intellectual. Make a list if you must.
- Remember that Venus is also related to beauty, so beautify your environment.
- Lastly, remember that Venus is par excellence an Alchemical Goddess, so it’s important to engage in your relationship with her with a vision of transformation. Don’t approach this as a quid pro quo.
This is only a starting point. May following the thread of the healing power of fluff, pleasure, and beauty lead to strengthening your sense of inner cohesion so that you can, in turn, see the transformation in your outer relationships. We need Venus on our side to help us approach the needs of the world with creativity, joy, and a sense of connection.
Photo Credits:
Main image: Alexander Grey- via Unsplash
Subsequent images: Azmarina Tanzir, Julian Hanslmaier, Nico Frey, Simone Dalmeri, and Lakeisha Bennett via Unsplash
