In my last article, I touched on how themes show up as clusters with my coaching clients. The irony isn’t lost on me that I’m the ‘common denominator,’ so perhaps the theme is also related to my life. And you betcha, it often is! It’s either something presently activated or something I’ve dealt with long ago. Or it’s another layer of the topic I’ve dealt with for a long time, but now I see it reflected differently.
One idea that resonates with me is that our gift and/or medicine to the world is made from our pain, the growing edges we struggle with throughout life. This isn’t to bypass the suffering and grief about our original wound, but how we creatively find a way to transform it. And to make things more interesting, our journey of unfurling our life’s purpose is intimately linked to this original wound.
There’s no bypassing – only passing through.
The grief may come in peaks and valleys, and we often have to give it grace. But at times, I think the Universe is like a cooking show where they give you a basket of crazy ingredients and then tell you to make something (hopefully delicious) out of it. Whoever we may get as Mothers or Fathers are often some of the most unexpected ingredients we get! (Think basket of jalapeños, and you’ve got to make a dessert dish out of it!)
So I’m seeing this current cluster of clients all bringing up issues around boundaries, people-pleasing, psychological enmeshment (i.e., no separation of identity, with mother and child being mixed as a unit), and the dynamic of having to be the emotional (and also financial) parent to their Mother. I’m also in the thick of reexamining (yet) again my relationship with my mother.
Healing isn’t linear with a final destination.
It’s closer to the Lunar Phases in the cyclical flow of wax and waning, spiraling ever deeper. Just when you think you’re done, something activates you to look at it again, hopefully from a wiser perspective.
So, in my ‘coaching homework’ from last week, I asked the following questions:
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How has your relationship with your mother affected your life?
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What aspect of your mother’s unlived life influenced your career?
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What’s your relationship with self-care/nurturing/nourishment like?
Those questions are ones that I’ve been reflecting on for many years. They started in my early 20s, and I had my first astrology reading. The astrologer said that I had been hiding behind all my Gemini planets, forgoing my Moon in Pisces, and that I needed “to do my Moon.” I learned then that the Moon is Mother and that I had work to do in claiming a part of me that had been unconscious. At first, I resented her perspective on my birth chart, but something deep within me knew it to be a necessity – an aspect of my life purpose.
It hasn’t always been a gracious journey, for I kicked, screamed, and gave into many tantrum bouts of resistance. But it’s been from this work that I have woven myth, storytelling, and depth psychology and made the best I could out of both my Gemini Sun (words) and Pisces Moon (imagination) into my work, both sewn together midway by the centaur, mentor, and healer Chiron (archetype of the maverick and wounded healer).
It’s taken me many years of personal self-discovery and healing to accept that when something tickles my imagination or a theme is active in my life, I tend to attract clients who relate to that field of experience. Of course, the experiences are not the same, and not all issues are linked to something I’m dealing with. But I’ve become more attuned to the connective resonance of how my inner life may serve as a reflective pool to the inner life of my clients—and vice versa.
The healing journey is about reflection, much like the water reflects the light of the Moon.
I don’t need to tell my clients what I’m going through, but I can hold reflective space for them when I engage with what is happening inside of me. I have also noticed that my client’s healing often untangles something inside of me. It’s the give-and-take of this work.
My relationship with my mother, complex as it may be, has profoundly shaped my sense of purpose and my work. I don’t presume to know the fullness of it since I think we only get the complete picture after we die, like a detective unraveling the plot at the end of a murder mystery novel. Perhaps Death is like Agatha Christie’s detective, Hercule Poirot, revealing how all the pieces fit only at the very end.
It’s been 25 years of “doing my Moon,” both personally and professionally. But now, I get to tell my clients this, but with my addendum: “Do your Moon, and your Sun will thrive.”
There’s much more to say about Mother and all the themes surrounding it—there always is—and I’ll be sure to return to it here.
But for now, I invite you to reflect on your journey.
How has your Mother influenced your life and your sense of purpose?
If this resonates with you, drop me a line and let me know your experience. And if you would like to learn more about my coaching work and how we can work together, click here.
Photo Credits:
Main image: Xavier Mouton – via Unsplash
